Cluefinders, the Prequel
by DaMan1500
Summary: The residual effects of never being able to beat Cluefinders 5th Grade.
1. Cluefinders, the Prequel

Disclaimer: I do not own Cluefinders. If you thought I owned Cluefinders, stop reading this fanfiction immediately. Seek medical attention.

Note: This story is writen in script format. Why? Because I'm a busy man, that's why. To busy for frivolities like words. You don't like it? To bad. That's how I roll, bitch.

We join our heroes walking to class in their middle school.

Joni: Hey guys.

Santiago: Hey Joni.

Leslie: Hi Joni.

Owen: Hey…you.

Joni: Owen?

Owen: Uh, yeah?

Joni: You forgot my name again, didn't you?

Owen: Uh, no, I just…

Joni: we've known each over our entire lives. We see each over every day. How can you not remember my freakin' name?

Owen: Well, we just don't really talk that much.

Joni: Don't talk that much? We have all the same classes, we live next door to each over, I gave you part of my liver, how can you possibly not, Jesus!

(Laptrap flies out of Joni's locker)

Laptrap: Hey guys.

Joni: Laptrap, what the hell are you doing in my locker?!

Laptrap: Can I borrow money?

Joni: What? Did you spend my allowance on drugs again?

Laptrap: I promise I'll get a job.

Joni: A job, what job? You're a floating yellow box for Christ's sake! What kind of job could you, holy shit!

(Walk into classroom, teacher's lying on floor in pool of blood)

Leslie: Mr. Mike's been killed!

Owen: Killed, I thought you said billed.

Santiago: … Shut up, Owen.

(Sitting in class, substitute teacher in front.)

Teacher: Okay, class, in light of recent events, today we're going to…

(Santiago raises hand.)

Teacher: Yes, Santiago?

Santiago: Shouldn't someone move Mr. Mike?

(Teacher looks down, Mr. Mike is still lying there, soaked in blood)

Teacher: Nah, it's good, okay class, today we're going to the police station to see how murder investigations are preformed.

Joni: That's a horrible idea.

Owen: For the love of God, Janie, shut the hell up.

Joni: My names Joni!

Teacher: Okay, class, everyone except Judy can go to the police station, you can just sit here and stare at your teacher's corpse. Smell ya later.

(Everyone leaves except Joni, teacher turns lights out, Joni sits in chair, her face boiling red with rage.)

(At police station, cops our sitting around eating pizza, not even pretending to care.)

Teacher: So, Mr. Police chief, what have your men been doing recently.

Chief: Hmm, what?

Teacher: You know, investigating the murder of Mr. Mike?

Chief: Um, you know, stuff.

Teacher: Stuff, you say?

Chief: You know, important stuff.

Teacher: Did you here that kids, the chief has been doing important stuff.

(Kids all groan in unison)

Chief: Yeah, well, you know how, holy shit, what the hell is that thing!

(Chief points to Laptrap)

Santiago: Oh, that's just Laptrap.

Laptrap: Yo.

Chief: Dude, it's fucking floating!

Leslie: Yeah, he always does that.

Chief: …You don't find this at all weird?

Owen: Nope.

Chief: Huh, well okay then. On a completely unrelated note, we're having a serious problem elsewhere.

Teacher: Oh? And what's that?

Chief: Well, the pizzas cost sixty dollars, there are twelve of us, and we can't figure out how to divide the bill up equally.

Santiago: It's five dollars.

Chief: …What did you say?

Santiago: You just divide sixty by twelve. It's really easy.

Chief: My God, that's brilliant. Kid, you and your friends our are new chief investigators.

Owen: Schweet.

Leslie: What?

Chief: Your basic math skills are just what this department needs.

Reader rabbit: But chief, you promised that position to me.

Chief: Sorry, bunny. Things change.

Reader Rabbit: I'll get you for this, you bastard!

(storms out)

Chief: Weird, okay, kids, you start tomorrow.

Santiago: Buh…buh…buh…

Chief: Great! Drive safely.

(Walks out.)

Leslie: What the hell just happened?

(Next day, at police station)

Chief: Okay, kids. I've got an important assignment for you today. We think your teachers death is linked to a drug house downtown.

Jodi: Why should we care?

Chief: I was getting to that, Jose'.

Jodi: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

Chief: We need you kids to go in there wearing a wire and bust em.

Leslie: Isn't that kind of your job?

Chief: Yeah, but we've been playing Wii Sports in the break room all day and our arms are tired.

Leslie: Yeah but what about…

(Chief points gun at kids)

Leslie: …Sounds good.

(At drug house)

Santiago: Hey, um, we were looking to score some pot?

(Laptrap staring at piles of pot)

Laptrap: Oh, Jesus.

Big drug dude: how much you want?

Joni: Um, you know, ten pounds?

(drug dude stares at them, jaw agape)

Big drug dude: And how do you plan on paying for that?

Santiago: Um, how much do you guys have on you?

Joni: I've got three dollars.

Leslie: A quarter.

Owen: A very shiny penny.

(Multiple drug dudes point guns at them)

Big drug dude: You think your being funny?!

Santiago: Um…no.

Jodi: Help us out, laptrap!

(Laptrap sitting in corner, smoking five joints at once)

Laptrap: Uh, yeah, I'll get back to you on that, Steve.

Jodi: God dammit!

(Suddenly, fifteen-year-old jumps through window)

Kid: Okay, everyone stop right there!

Big drug dude: Who the hell are you?

Kid: My screen name is ThatGuyBehindYou. I'm stopping this story because it's an obvious rip off of my Cluefinders story.

(Other kid jumps through window)

New kid: You stop right there! I'm YamiAnaLeeJody, and ThatGuyBehindYou ripped off my story!

ThatGuyBehindYou: No I didn't! Our stories are nothing alike!

(Third kid jumps through window)

New new kid: Hey, I'm Homer Jay Simpson, and ThatGuyBehindYou dropped his wallet outside.

ThatGuyBehindYou: Oh, thanks.

Homer Jay Simpson: I'm also here because I wrote the original Cluefinders story, and your all just one big rip off of me.

ThatGuyBehindYou: Shit!

YamiAnaLeeJody: Am not!

Homer Jay Simpson: are too!

ThatGuyBehindYou: I demand satisfaction!

(All three pull out swords and start dueling, drug dudes stare in awe, kids slowly back out front door.)

(At home.)

Owen: Well, that was a good waste of eight minutes. Hey, where's Laptrap?

Leslie: I think he's like a drug lord now.

Owen: Oh, weird.

Santiago: Well, I think we all learned something today.

Jodi: What could we have possibly learned? We accomplished nothing, almost died, and plagiarism is what ended up saving our asses.

Santiago: Well, I say we should all start a club called the Cluefinders and solve mysteries.

Jodi: That's a terrible idea! We have no qualifications, and no…

(Owen smashes Jodi on the head with a lamp, Jodi falls to the floor)

Santiago, Leslie, and Owen: Cluefinders, yeah!

Fin

Read and review, unless you're the type of person who reads fanfiction. Especially dumb shit about Cluefinders.


	2. Cluefinders, the Prequel, the Sequel

Disclaimer: I do not own Cluefinders, or ScoobyDoo, or some crazy Cluefinders- ScoobyDoo hybrid thing that also shoots fireballs and fights crime.

Our story begins with the Cluefinders walking home after going to the movies.

Joni: That movie was terrible.

Santiago: Yeah, That's the last time Owen picks the movie.

Owen: What are you guys talking about, that was a great movie.

Leslie: Owen, CareBear Rampage 5, Revenge of Harmony Bear is a horrible idea for a movie.

Owen: But in this one the CareBears go into space.

Santiago: You're retarded.

Joni: Wait, guys, can we not walk home this way?

Santiago: Why?

Joni: Because this way goes by the police station, and we never went back there after that drug-bust thing, so they're probably pretty pissed.

Santiago: C'mon, it can't be that bad. I mean, how long ago was that?

Joni: 6 years.

Santiago: ...Yeah, I bet they'd be pretty pissed.

Leslie: So where's the police station?

Owen: I think we passed it about 11 blocks back.

Chief: Hey you kids.

Joni: Shit.

Santiago: Um, hi, angry police chief man.

Chief: Where the hell were you kids. its been six years!

Santiago: Um, really, fancy that. Now we were just...

Chief: Stop!

Santiago: Okay.

Chief: You kids are in big trouble. You could go to jail for this.

Leslie: Actually, there really isn't a law against...

(Chief shoots Leslie in the face, Leslie dies)

Joni: We're listening.

Chief: But I'm willing to drop the whole thing if you solve one more case.

Santiago: So it's go on some stupid adventure or get shot in the face.

Chief: Pretty much, yeah.

Owen: Sounds good.

(At big spooky mansion, crime scene)

Chief: Okay kids, the victim had his spine ripped out, was disemboweled with his own spine, had his heart ripped out, his heart shoved down his throat, his head ripped off, his head shoved down his neck hole, and his body hung from the ceiling by a rope made from his own arteries and intestines.

Owen: Cool

Chief: Yes, very cool. Okay kids, I want you to meet our other investigative team, Mystery Inc.

Freddy: Hi guys.

Velma: Salutations.

Shaggy: Like, zoinks dudes.

Scooby: Rooby Roo!

Daphne: I'm Daphne.

Owen: Wow these dudes are freaks.

Chief: I'd also like to reunite you with an old friend.

Laptrap: Sup, bitches.

Joni: Aw, dammit, it's Laptrap.

Santiago: Where the hell have you been?

Laptrap: Well, after the drug thing, I gained the drug dudes' trust, rose through the ranks, and now I'm the leader of the entire drug market in the city.

Owen: So, your on pot right now.

Laptrap: Yep, mister purple dream goldfish.

Freddy: Okay gang, lets split up.

Joni: You guys are a gang?

Freddy: Um, no we're not actually a gang.

Owen: Awesome! Now we can have turf wars!

Freddy: I just said, we're not a gang.

Owen: Then we can go steal cars and run over people! I will be just like Grand Theft Auto! Yay!

Freddy: Will you shut up! We're not a fucking gang!

(Starts strangling Owen with his ascot)

Owen: Gack, okay okay dude whatever!

(Freddie stops)

Owen: Jesus.

Freddie: Okay, guys. Owen, Laptrap, the annoying dog and the pothead in the green shirt go that way, Santiago, Joni, and the nerdy ugly girl go that way, and me and the dumb bitch will blow you guys off completely and go to the movies.

Daphne: We're seeing CareBear Rampage 5.

Owen: In the new one they go into space.

Freddie: I know, it's awesome.

Daphne: I'm Daphne.

Joni: Son of a bitch.

Santiago: Okay, I guess it's just us now.

Owen: Hey, can I switch groups. I don't want to be stuck with these freaks.

Scooby: Ruck roo!

Santiago: No, Owen, you stay in you group.

Owen: C'mon, why?

Santiago: Because we're clearly dealing with a twisted individual and you always seem to fuck things up and if your stupidity gets us killed I'm going to be very annoyed.

Owen: That's actually a pretty good reason.

(Later in the stupid group)

Owen: Look guys, we found the kitchen.

Shaggy: Oh boy, pizza!

(Shaggy takes entire pizza, rolls it up, and eats it)

Owen: Wow, how did you do that!

Laptrap: That should have killed you!

Shaggy: What, I do it all the time.

Owen: This is a serious medical condition.

Laptrap: Your stomach isn't supposed to hold that much food.

Shaggy: Holy shit, am I going to die?

Laptrap: Yeah, probably.

Owen: Okay, Laptrap, you take Shaggy to the hospital, me and the possessed dog will keep searching.

Scooby: Roo ruck, rickhole.

(At the hospital)

Doctor: Um, sir, I've never seen anything like this.

Shaggy: What, do I have indigestion or something?

Doctor: No, it seems a large hive of parasitic worms, possibly of alien origin, have been living in your stomach for several years and feeding on everything you eat, and now they have grown so massive that your whole body could rupture at any moment and release them on all of mankind, causing the end of human life on Earth.

Shaggy: So, do I take an aspirin or something?

Doctor: No, your going to die.

Shaggy: ...Bummer.

(Back with Owen and Scooby)

Owen: Hey, Scooby, look.

(Message written on wall in blood, saying "I will kill you all! Muahahahahahahaha!)

Owen: This might be a clue.

Scooby: Rasshole.

(Scooby sees bunny in the corner, holding bloody paintbrush and laughing)

Scooby: Rook! Rit ras the rabbit!

Owen: BE quiet, Scooby, I'm thinking.

Scooby: Rut the ruck ris wrong rit rou.

Owen: Aw, your so cute, Scooby.

Scooby: Rook! Rits reting raway!

Owen: Okay, Scooby, playtimes over.

Scooby: Ron rof a ritch!

(In the Mystery Machine)

Laptrap: So your gonna die, huh? That sucks.

Shaggy: Yeah, but I can handle it.

Laptrap: But how can you deal with that?

Shaggy: Well, some people use yoga to calm down. Some turn to therapy. I have a bag of pot the size of a cocker spaniel.

Laptrap: I knew you were my favorite.

(At the other group)

Joni: Hey, Owen and Scooby.

Owen: Hi guys.

Santiago: Any idea who did this?

Owen: Nope, not a clue.

Scooby: Rod rammit!

Santiago: Hey, where's Shaggy and Laptrap?

Owen: No doubt on their own crazy misadventures.

Santiago: Or stoned out of their minds.

Owen: That too.

Joni: So, what should we do?

Velma: I have I plan to catch the crook, but first we need bait.

(Scooby holds out box of Scooby Snacks)

Velma: That's it, Scooby!

(At trap)

Velma: How are you doing, Scooby?

(Scooby duct-taped to wall)

Scooby: Ram roo rall roo rell.

Velma: Thats good to hear. Okay guys, when the perp comes, Santiago will use the trigger to activate the firing mechanism, causing a chain reaction and propelling a small metal projectile into the villain's cranium.

Santiago: We're gonna shoot him?

Velma: Well if you get a better idea, then by all means tell me, douchbag.

Santiago: Sorry, touchy.

(Small fluffy bunny comes)

Joni: Holy shit, it's Reader Rabbit!

(Reader Rabbit bites Scooby in half)

Joni: Shoot him, Santiago!

(Santiago shoots, bullet misses, ricochets off wall and hits Velma in the face)

Reader Rabbit: Now I will have my revenge! Muahahahahaha!

(In Mystery Machine, air filled with pot smoke)

Laptrap: Dude.

Shaggy: Dude.

Laptrap: Dude.

Shaggy: Dude.

Laptrap: Dude.

Shaggy: Dude.

Laptrap: Dude.

Shaggy: Dude.

Laptrap: Hey dude.

Shaggy: Yeah dude?

Laptrap: Shouldn't one of us be driving?

Shaggy: ...What?

(Mystery Machine breaks through wall of mansion. Army of giant parasitic worms bursts out of Shaggy and eats Reader Rabbit)

Reader Rabbit: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

(Worms rush out of mansion, heads towards city)

Joni: Laptrap, where the hell were you?

Laptrap: Hey dudes. Look, I found Freddy and Daphne.

(Freddy and Daphne splattered on front of Mystery Machine)

Santiago: This is by far the most retarded thing that has ever happened ever.

Owen: Don't worry, guys. Whats important is, Reader Rabbits dead, the Chief won't kill us, and we got a new van out of it. Now, who's up for a road trip?

Joni: None of us can drive.

Owen: Yeah, and none of us can solve mysteries.

Joni: ...Good point. Okay guys, Vegas or bust!

(All jump into Mystery Machine, drive into the sunset, drive off a bridge and explode)

Fin

Yay! Read and Review. Seriously, for the love of God, please review this story. I've gotten less reviews than a guy who wrote a love story about Pong. Why the hell is Pong even a catagory! God I'm depressed.


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